Letter To A Pluto Friend

        I did not have the words until now, because i did not have an understanding. Any creepy, invasive things i have said to you were attempts at communicating something deeper than my self-awareness was at the time. But i have been doing the work, and i feel it important to share this with you because i began this work while we were more apart of each others daily lives and i know that as much as i was affected by you, my behavior affected you as well.

This is me communicating to you as best i can at this point that i am aware of the harm other people's actions can do and that you are not immune. I also know things that cut deep are difficult to overcome - they take time that is not always available in the craziness of day-to-day responsibilities etc., and they are hard to heal when facing them alone.

A lot of what i have to remember of the past two years is my lack of integrity and how far from accurate my words and actions were from what i meant. I was stuck and so my body got sick, and when i started to get unstuck my identity fell a part....and that was the same time period that i spent a lot of my time around you, and i know that my self-doubt got in the way of my ability to be authentic and a dependable person.

Every interaction i can recall having had with you gave me opportunity to reflect on hard questions and you being a person i value gave me the motivation to actually find the answers, and because of those same reasons i want to send this email to you.  I value that wisdom i have gained and the role your unique presence in my life played in those lessons offered to me thus far.

I have no expectations of you, nor desire any sort of reciprocation, and i honestly never have. I do want you to be happy and live a life full of adventure, fun, and fulfillment. My definition of being a good friend involves communicating such intentions and offering up my own viewpoint whenever I can.

You and i are very different, in infinite ways, and that makes it hard to be friends sometimes, but the perspective gained from those differences makes it totally worth any hardship it has or will cause on my end.

I assume nothing about you or what your doing or how you are. And no matter how much i wish we still talked and could have meaningful conversations nowadays, i don't require it to still love you. And that love i have for you, has been there from the start and will never go away. I share that with you not because i want you to love me back, but so you know you are worth loving even if the reality you interact with makes it hard to remember.

I am always here for you;  and as i become more and more the Shaman I aspire to be, I am as much at your service to whatever extent you are willing to accept as I am anyone. But not everyone will i gain as much insight into my own work as i have from the authentic interactions i have had with you.

You need not be anything other than what you desire to be, and there is a way to free up the desire to do within yourself and use it to create the life you find worth living. That is my definition of magic. And true magic comes from within. This is not a belief but a proven truth....a truth that i cannot provide you the proof of tho, because the proof is in the personal experience. But i can help you to see that proof, when you find it difficult to see and help you to do that for others. That is a big part of what a shaman does, and an ever-increasing part of how i see my experience of reality and the world around me.

Thanks for reading this if you did.