... some of the shit I've learned so far from my experience being married...Please just keep in mind that words can be misleading, and this is just another one of my attempts to share what is complex and beyond the limitations of my vocabulary.....

It is important to realize how deeply ingrained we all are with misunderstandings about love - the characteristics we expect relationships should have....that to partner with someone means to sacrifice our individuality....that another person completes us.

In truth,  its only two complete and whole individuals that can create a fruitful partnership able withstand the chaos and strife we meet with the passage of time.

It all depends entirely on what it is you, and her/him desire to give, are open to recieve, and willing to manifest from and through your partnership.

Our relationships should belong to both partners, equally sharing the responsibilities and difficulties, as well as its joys and benefits that the exchange of union create.

Are you in, or are you out?

Chances are if you are unhappy, so is she/he, and both of you have valid reasons behind that unhappiness.
But if both of you want to be together, then choose that, and do what is necessary to allow both of you to grow and to cultivate that Unconditional Love within each other and yourselves.

Commit to helping each other evolve, ascend, and develop your unique Soul-Selves....Seek to break down the barriers within yourselves that limit Love....Love radiates from within both of your beings, and it has opportunity to be stabilized and nurtured through your partnerships, it  flows through both of you, into each other, and it beckons your being to rise,  up and out, to infinity and beyond. : )

Be friends first, underneath all other definitions and labels you guys want to give it, should be a foundation of friendship.... friends are honest with each other, and are without judgment, friends love each other even when its uncomfortable or painful.  Friends don't let each other walk all over them, and they don't find pleasure in hurting one another.....We are not completely happy or content if a friend is struggling.

Love heals, and healing is often an uncomfortable, if not painful, uphill process.  

Understand where you are coming from, know what you want/are motivated by/acting on, and accept when you don't know....remember that you don't know each others' underlying motivations or inner workings without sharing them with one another.

Be honest with yourself first,  then honestly share what you know, and trust her to be honest with you, but call her out on it if she isn't. And she needs to do the same with you.

What I am trying to say is you need to make a choice....a difficult one, yes, but a necessary one.
And you need to follow it up with action and follow-through.

On the surface it might seem that you should break up and go your own way, but if you are torn between that and a second path,  you must to choose. 

..And trust me when i say that both paths will get you to where you need to be, but standing in the intersection of a crossroads will only get you hit by cars.

Either let each other be a part of your lives or don't. 

If you want to be together and create a safe space together from which you both can grow and become more, then both of you agree to do that, knowing that you must then see each others' shadows, and will have to figure out how to love each other that much more for the imperfections that you see and reveal.

If you are not coming from a place of self-acceptance and understanding, you are likely not coming from a place of self-love, and so you will be unable to give of your love to each other.

Living under the same roof changes the playing field upon which the relationship is defined and will make or break a bond.  Home is where you recover,  and it should be a safe space...

So, do you believe you can create that kind of space with her/him, or do you need to do it on your own for now.?.. . Redefining the boundaries around us is what we need to be doing in general....